Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Creating an Equal Eutopia

Tensions between races, religions, and classes has turned our world into a living Hell. To stop this problem in its tracks, we must all come together and attack the issue for all corner's. If we follow the guidelines I set forth, in 100 years time the world will be in peace.

Three problems and solutions are as followed:

1) Racial differences. The white man has caused hundreds of problems. Due to them, all races have difficulties with every other race. I have yet to find two races that can consistently get along. We need one uniform race.

2) Economic differences. The Corporate world has been raping average citizens. The rich have been abusing the poor. While they work just as hard as everyone else, they can never get ahead. The poor gets poorer and the rich get richer. We need an equal playing field.

3) Intelligence differences. How can people be equal when automatically people have higher IQ's than others? If I am born with an IQ of 98 and I am trying to get a job, I may get it. However, if one with an IQ 132 is also competing for the job, how is that fair? Just because he was born more intelligent then I was doesn't mean they're more equipped for the job. We need everyone to be of the same intelligence.

A few small changes to society could fix all three of those issues and make the world a more equal place.

Breeders. You may be thinking, "What the hell, breeders?" But I'll explain. We need to no longer let humans breed freely. The poor are simply overpopulating the world. If you cannot support yourself, what makes you think you can support another human being? If we didn't allow the poor the reproduce, we could drastically reduce the number of poor. If one wants a child, they can go to a breeder and prove they are able to support them.

Breeders would be carefully selected, making sure all races were equally represented. Each race would be forced to breed with the others, making nothing but multiracial children. Eventually we would all be the same color leaving no room for racial discrimination or hatred.

The breeders would also be selected based on their IQ's. If a breeder has an IQ of 90, they will be matched with one that has an IQ of 110. Eventually, everyone will have the same, average IQ and an equal chance of succeeding in life.

So I ask everyone, why not?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Throw Out the Uninsured!

Imagine. The American dream. You're starting your own construction business. However, since you just started out, you don't have health insurance for your workers. You're insured through your wife's health insurance, provided through the state. One day while on a job site, one of the workers you employ, Jose, comes into work very ill. You tell him he can go home and rest, but he tells you he is behind on some car payments and he needs the money.

You wake up the next morning and feel horrible. You go to the doctor and he tells you its good you came in to see him. You had a bad, rare, morphing form of influenza that kills people within 3 days of contracting it if they aren't treated. After taking your medicine, you feel better

Four days later you're feeling well and ready to resume your job. Jose, however, is no where to be found. You drive by where he lives and hear the news, Jose died from the influenza.
But who cares about Jose? I surely don't. Had he taken the time to get the proper insurance and gone to the doctor he would be okay. Heck, who knows how many people Jose infected! In my opinion, anyone without health insurance should just be thrown out of the country.

We have too many people in America today without health care. It is believed that approximately 45 million Americas don't have health insurance as well as over a third of families below the poverty line.

"U.S. health care spending is approximately $2 trillion per year, or $6,697 per person."--Catlin, A, C. Cowan, S. Heffler, et al, “National Health Spending in 2005.” Health Affairs 26:1 (2006).

"The United States continues to spend significantly more on health care than other
countries in the world."-- OECD, in Figures 2006-2007 Health Spending and Resources.
So why the hell should we keep these people in America? All they do is live here wasting out space, breathing our air, costing us money, and taking up space when they die?

"Eighteen thousand people die each year because they are uninsured."--Insuring America’s Health: Principles and Recommendations, Institute of Medicine, January 2004. http://www.iom.edu/?id=19175
So what should we do with the 45 Million uninsured? It would be too expensive to ship them out to somewhere else. I doubt any other country would take them anyway. But we have to get them out of here or they will just keep being a burden on society. Eating them isn't much of an option since we aren't in a time of famine like during Chaucer's time. If we have a really cold winter in 2008 we could burn them.

I've got the perfect solution!

We should just keep pretending there isn't a problem with health care and when the uninsured come to us for help, use them as science experiments to try out new procedures and cures that can be used on those of us that matter!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Why Hillary Clinton SHOULD be President

Hillary Clinton, the female half of the dynamic duo, is without a doubt the best canditate trying to earn to Presidential Nomination on the Democrats side. All one has to do is look at her amazing record to see that she is the best man... excuse me, "person"..... for the job. Lets take a look back at some of her highlights from the past and things she promises to do. After doing so, you'll know she is the right WO-MAN for the job!

On second thought, maybe she isn't the best choice.

More to come! Leave a comment about more reasons she is AMAZING and I'll add them here with your credit.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

101 Things to do with The Confederate Flag 1-28

The flag of the Confederate States of America is said to be one of the most recognizable symbol of hatred in America. Sadly, thousands still bow down to this flag. In my opinion, as well as the opinion of the masses, those pinheads that praise it should be shipped to Mars. Another thing we could do is ban trailer parks in America, that would force them all to leave! However, those two scenarios are unlikely to happen, so is Part 1 of 101 things we can do with the Confederate Flag:

  1. Use it as toilet paper
  2. Sew a lot together to use as parachutes for the military. Of course, paint them camo first
  3. Burn them
  4. Tear them into lots of particles and use it as confetti
  5. Eat them, maybe they have something in them thats good for us
  6. Use them to make clothing to donate to 3rd World Countries
  7. Use them as trash can liners
  8. Make them into puke bags for airlines to give out
  9. Line landfills with them, perhaps it will cover some of the stench
  10. Give them away as blankets to the poor in other nations
  11. Launch them into space
  12. Attach them to bombs that we drop
  13. Put them in zoos for animals to tear up and use as bedding
  14. Handkerchief anyone?
  15. Put them together to make the worlds largest jump rope
  16. Build a large shield to keep earth from receiving the evil global warming rays!!!
  17. Everyone wear them as capes and pretend to be BATMAN
  18. Turn them into car covers, the colors will fade away soon enough
  19. Everyone wear them as capes and pretend to be SUPERMAN
  20. Build nice tepees for anyone without a house
  21. Turn them into kites... really ugly kites
  22. Poke holes in it.... I don't know why
  23. Make really thin shoes
  24. Make pants and sell them to other countries
  25. Make rope ladders for all the tree forts in the world
  26. Just throw them away
  27. Use them as bed sheets in trashy motels
  28. Turn them into poop scooping bags
Thats all for now! 29-56 will be coming soon so check back!

Email your own to USCBlogger@yahoo.com state whether you want yours included on the list or not! If you don't have an email account, leave yours as a comment. Include your name or a URL or however you want me to give you credit!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

President George W. Bush for a Third Term!

George W. Bush has been the greatest president in America's history. He is the bravest leader in all of America's history and has brought much praise to America as a country. Whether regarding domestic policies or international treaties, Bush has always had American citizen's best interest at heart. Bush has helped stimulate our economy, ensure our children are educated, and led the people of America through successful wars. Our Presidents immense intellect and impressive reasoning skills have held America together the last 8 years.

George Bush's middle name should definitely be changed to "Moneyman". When Alan Greenspan warned Moneyman of a possible recession in 2001, Moneyman took it upon himself to ensure one of the largest tax cuts in history happened! Without the support of the Secretary of Treasury Paul O'Neill, Bush signed a US$1.35 trillion tax cut program. Since he took office, Bush has managed to raise the national debt to US$3.25 trillion dollars. But why is this so bad? Its not! Since America cares not just for itself but the world abroad, we should be proud that our country is helping to put food on tables of other nations. We borrow all of this money from the other nations, such as China. It is extremely selfish of tiny brained Americas to care of just their own economy. Bush realizes that we are not the only country in the world and we must give out our resources and money to everyone else to make this thing we call a world a better place.

Another great name for George Bush is Einstein. Without a doubt he is one of the most intelligent men in America. In 1968, Bush got his Bachelor's degree from Yale. He later went on to do GREAT on pilot's written aptitude test for the National Guards, scoring in the 25th percentile. In 1970 he applied to the University of Texas Law School, but was rejected only because he came from too prestigious of a family. He later went on to receive his MBA from Harvard and made tons of money working in the oil industry. George Einstein Bush is the kind of man I want teaching my children. His en genius programs, such as No Child Life Behind, make sure that all students have the same opportunity for growth!

Since he took office, Bush has made sure America was safe for all. His War Against Drugs, War on Terrorism, War in Afghanistan, and Iraq War have all been HUGE successes! While we may have lost a few thousand soldiers, we surely have killed a lot of their men, too! Just because we never found weapons of mass destruction doesn't mean America was wrong for going the places we did, it was an honest mistake. Our government wouldn't lie. Don't you all feel more safe knowing our troops are spread all over the world?

So why doesn't Bush deserve a third term? He has done nothing wrong. I say, throw the Constitution out and lets keep push. Hell, lets change his name to Emperor George Moneyman Einstein Bush.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


In this day and age, the median family income in America is around $50,000. That money goes to support an average family of approximately 2.57 members..... and over 2.3 MILLION PRISONERS! Tax dollars of hard working Americans go towards providing these malicious individuals safe havens from the streets where we feed and clothe them while they do nothing for us! Why should we continue to let these freeloaders who STEAL from us, KILL our citizens, and are CONVICTED OF CRIMES AGAINST US live off our tax dollars? In this modest proposal, I will explain to all what we should do with these inmates and tell of why America would be a better place if these actions were taken.

In America, we strive to make automobiles and other forms of transportation safer and safer. It is also our goal to make sure helmet designs and such are safe for our children. But how exactly are these tested? There are many tests they must go through, but how can we be certain they are full proof? We need to test them on our inmates. All the convicted felons should be sent to testing factories to try out new things for the general public. Want to know if the seat belt in your 2008 Ford will really save your life if you run into a wall at 50 mph? Check the States new site, you can rest assure we strapped real humans into each seat and sent them flying into that wall! If they survived, do it again to make sure it wasn't just by chance. If they didn't, well then the seat belt needs more work! Why test on test dummies when you can get the real thing for free?

While America is very advanced in the medical field, we definitely aren't the best in every aspect of it. It is time we begin teacher our doctors more in school; they need more first hand experience before going into their field of choice. How can we do this? The inmates, of course! Strap them down and let the students start drilling! Practice makes perfect, right? And we have millions of little test subjects, plenty for everyone. You can look at a picture and watch videos of how to put a shunt into someone, but now we can let them try it on unvalued wreckers of society before having them operate on valued members of society. Never again will a doctor be nervous the first time he has to drill into a brain; patients can rest assured knowing that he has done it plenty of times.

Another option to our predicament is to use them solely as manual labor. Heck, turn them into slaves! We could start out using them in our fields in America; they'd be even cheaper than illegal immigrants. The farmers would profit and the consumers would receive a good priced product. If the public is brave, perhaps we could sell the inmates as servants to them. They would have to keep a close eye on them to ensure they behaved, but they would have full rights over them. I don't believe they would try anything funny knowing if they did their legs would be shot off. Or we could just tell them to 3rd world countries where slavery is legal. I'm sure they would like to have more hands to do the work. Our nations exports would dramatically increase if we could trade our inmates away as slaves! In country interested?

If worse comes to worse and no one wants our inmates, I assume we could just put their heads on the chopping block. Medieval style, I say. Death by quartering, the wheel, or by hanging. They can even take their choice! That would be definitely cheaper than the way things are now.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Deportation of Non-Voters: Explained

***Prior to posting another satirical Modest Proposal, I will write a post about the previous one explaining the truth behind it. Hopefully everyone understands the point of the first is to draw attention to the subject in a somewhat comical, ludicrous way to show change needs to be made. I appreciate the email's I received, keep them coming! Don't be shy about posting your comments on the blog. Write to me what issues you feel are important and I'll write a Modest Proposal about it. Thanks for reading!***

Seeing as how this was the first post, I received some emails full of disgrace that one could even think up the ideas I presented in the post regarding Deportation of Non-Voters. I'm glad to see we all care about the well being of our fellow Americans, but what about the well being of the country as a whole? We have thousands of people who complain daily about how the government acts, yet a small percentage of them actually vote! What do we have to do to get the American public interested in it's own policies and government? Do we have to begin punishing people if they don't voice their opinions? I hope not.

Americans have one of the greatest rights in the world, the right to vote. I know people often feel as though they can't change anything, but if the whole nation speaks up, Washington must listen. We don't live in a Dictatorship or Anarchy (although some insist we do). We live in a Democracy, the people give the government their power. Our Founding Father's and soldiers of the American Revolution fought for this right, and millions are throwing it down the drain. It's time we speak up and tell our government what we want!

The Deportation of Non-Voters

With the 2008 Presidential elections coming this year in a few months, I find it to be a good time to make this modest proposal:

Those who don't vote should be deported from America.

Every citizen in the United States of America has been granted the right to vote by the US Consitution and it's amendments. The apathetic individuals who don't use this right should be promptly removed from the county, permenantly. People who don't vote are not only ignorant and spineless, but also a disgrace to all who fought to gain this right.

Maybe our ignorant citizens who refuse to vote would like to be transfered back in time to the age of Feudalism. They would gladly work on the land of Nobles and work to make the King rich. For sure they would have loved life under Hitler or Mussolini!

We could always just execute them, but that can get expensive if done in a humane way. How about Mexico, we can send them their. They have hard working citizens that would love all America has to offer. I say for every non-voting US citizen we have we should just drop in the ocean and allow one more hard working immigrant.

Why would we want individuals who don't care about their rights and own lives in our country? We trust them to speak their voice to ensure our democracy works. When we deport these individuals, we msut insure they cannot return. Cuba sounds like a good place to me. Since they are opinionless and lack a brain to form their own views with, they will have no problem following what Raul Castro says. Perharps we could set up some trade, our non-voters for their cigars!

America has no need to provide a haven of freedom's to those who don't use them. Does anyone else have suggestions as to where we could send them?